Every bellydancer I know has experienced a bout or six of the Blues. They crop up at the most unexpected and inconvenient times and can last from a few hours to a few weeks. It's that horrible feeling that maybe you really aren't cut out to be doing this, that it's a waste of time. You feel like you aren't getting anywhere and never will. Everyone is better than you and no one thinks you're a good dancer anyway, so why not just give up?
I've had bouts hit me after shows I felt didn't go well and even after classes where I was sure all I did was flail about like an octopus out of water (and convinced that I looked about as graceful). I remember feeling the futility of my efforts when I was first learning to undulate, first held a veil and the first time I tried to balance a cane on my head. Watching my instructor and classmates gracefully go through the movements and swearing that I would never, ever be able to master <insert particularly testy technique issue here>.
The Blues are not limited to any particular level of bellydancer - they are an equal opportunity state of blah. Not only have most of us gone through a few phases of doubt and discouragement over our careers, but we've all had friends in the community go through it too. I've posted many an inspirational comment on Facebook for friends ready to throw in the hip scarf, offered hugs to dancers before, during and after classes or shows and sent more than one email reminding a fellow belly how amazing they truly are. Even dancer friends who are professionals and have been for years occassionally hit a bump in the road, as it were, and need to be reminded of their awesomeness.
A bad show or audition will usually do it for me. It doesn't matter that logically I know that not every performance will leave me with that I totally nailed it, and even if I did a good job there are days when I'm still sure I sucked. I've been in classes on days when my arms and legs are just not speaking and while I swear everyone around me looks like they are floating effortlessly across the studio I'm the awkward nerd in the back with two left feet and gangly elbows.
So how do I deal with the Blues and what are my two cents for others on the subject?
First off, I personally feel there is nothing wrong with a good wallow now and again. Taking a few hours or even a day or two to just sulk on the sofa with a tub of double mint chip ice cream and a really weepy chick flick is, I think, a healthy part of healing no matter what has got you down. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, cry a bit, whine to your fur baby, your partner or your best friend that the world of bellydance is a fantastical place of whimsy and grace that you will never fit into. It's okay. It's temporary. You will dance again!
The trick is not to let it last too long and get your body back in motion. My favourite way to kick myself back into the swing of things is to sign up to do a show. I find making myself commit to a performance really gives me the push I need to get up and get dancing again. Getting into the rhythm of selecting music, listening to it over and over, running combinations and movements and getting excited about what costume to wear and putting on a good dose of glitter always brings happiness to my world.
Even if I feel unmotivated and untalented, I go to class. Just being around other bellydancers gives me a lift, and there is nothing more healing than a good laugh combined with a good sweat!
Workshops are awesome too. Case and point: I had a 3/4 shimmy that sucked rotten cod. I had learned from someone who (unbeknownst to me) couldn't actually 3/4 shimmy herself, so when I was in one of my first classes with Roula Said and realized my technique was way off base, I found a workshop with Zahira and 3/4ed my ass off for two hours. It not only fixed my technique but got me feeling great about the fact that I could do something when I put my hips to it.
And the old saying of "dance like no one is watching" is still a very valuable thing to remember. Feeling bummed? Put on some music, close your eyes and just move. Absorb the music into your mind and let your body go with it. Remember, we are not dancers because we want to be; we are dancers because we need to be.
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