Mirror, Mirror

Anytime I get a video or YouTube clip of a performance I have done I always need to take a deep breath before I hit play. In part this is because I really do hate to watch myself on video, but the other is the issue of not knowing what I'm going to see. The thing is, while I do have a pretty decent personal space to practise in, I don't have a great spot to record my rehearsals to watch myself before I perform.

Hence the anxiety.

There is then that sigh of relief "oh thank the gods it looked okay!" as well as the occasional "what the f*ck was that?!" as I sit gritting my teeth as mini me dances across my laptop.

See, while I don't thrill to watching me on video, I have come to appreciate what I can learn from watching myself. I have gone from simply viewing video as a sublime form of self-torture to the learning tool it actually is. I've even used it get feedback different dance teachers so they can get a feel for what I am having problems with or what they see that I may not.

I am proud of myself that I can now look at video with a critical eye rather than a pained expression, but that, alas, does not remedy my situation of how to record my practise.

So I've done what I think is the next best thing - I got a full length mirror for my rehearsal space so I can see what I'm doing while I'm working on improv, drills and choreography.

While - to date - I have been pretty lucky that generally what feels good when I'm working on a piece translates into good performance, there are times when I want to try something new, like the piece I did in December at the last Dark Salon at The Dark Side Studio. I was very nervous because I was going outside my regular comfort zone of upbeat, cheeky and playful into the somewhat darker and moodier side of my persona:

Fortunately I was pretty happy how it turned out and the feedback I received when I saw the clip, but it was that performance that made me realize I could possibly cut down on performance anxiety and feel more free to try new stuff if I could see it before I performed it. Example, I can see where I need to work isolations, finesse arm and hand positions or improve on how I use the space I am working in.

Thus the mirror now standing in my den.

I am finding it so far a great help, particularly as I drill new technique and try new music. I am planning on going moody again for my upcoming Dancenette performance in May, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up my sassy side!

My lovely new mirror!