A Dancer's Epiphany

Photo courtesy of PDV Photography

There's that brief moment for every dancer when, just before you go on stage, a final thought goes through your head, and that single thought, I have discovered, can make or break how you feel during a performance.

In the past, my usual final thought has generally been something along the lines of "oh please don't let me fuck this up!" or "oh please let me remember the choreography!"

Not helpful.

Oh sure, it's easy to tell other dancers to just relax and enjoy themselves, but remembering to remind yourself of that is a whole other bundle of hip scarves. In recent performances, I have decided that rather than allow my nerves to get the best of me and worry about remembering the dance or hoping I don't trip on my skirt or veil, I have used a single word or simple phrase that embodies the message or feeling I hope to convey. In doing so, I have found that I concentrate more on dancing rather than on just the steps.

Easier said than done, for sure, as often before a show we're happily chatting away with fellow performers or doing last minute touch-ups to our make-up and adjusting costumes, warming up our legs or simply trying to remember to breathe. That said, I have definitely found in my last few performances that getting into a different mind set has made a huge difference in how I feel - and therefore, hopefully - in how I appear on stage.

Strangely the other thing I have discovered, for my solo work, is that the final tech run can do me more harm than good. For example, my solo at The Lavish Project. I was so nervous because of who else was performing that night and who was going to be watching me that I lost the focus I wanted to keep in my mind - seduction (the song, in Medieval English, is about a prostitute trying to seduce a client) - I was on stage before I realized it and into my routine before I remembered to focus on my intention. 

Why and how does this relate to my final tech run?

I was so worried about being "good" that I simply focused on the steps I had choreographed rather than the mood I wanted to share. And since I felt my tech run was lousy (yes, I know, bad dress, good show), I was extra worried before I went to actually perform. Thus I lost my proper focus and felt disconnected from my music.

Not to say the performance was bad. I think it looked okay in hindsight after seeing the video, but what I feel I lost was my connection to the music and how I felt while dancing. Letting myself get all wrapped up in nerves kind of messed with my own satisfaction with my piece.

Taking that into account, the last Dark Salon I opted not to do a tech run of my solo (we did do a couple of runs of the group drum solo but I find group dynamics bring a different energy and that final prep I think helped bring us all together and to focus). I didn't make it in time for doing a tech run of my solo at the Dark Salon in December and it was one of my better performances, so I thought I'd try it again!

While I haven't yet seen the video of either my solo or the drum solo, I felt completely in the moment during both numbers. It was like having an epiphany, that feeling that you are completely aware and focused on the "now." I felt my music, solidified my intention, and went for it. 

I cannot tell you how much better I felt after that show. Both numbers - while I am sure I made some technical mistakes - felt whole and complete. I was there, in the moment, and having a total blast!

And at the end of the day, isn't that why we all do this in the first place?

Now, that said, I may feel different once I see the videos because, like most of us, I tend to be much more critical of my own work and tend to nit pick as I watch myself recorded, but at least, while I was dancing, I felt totally, completely and absolutely in love with what I was doing!

The Lavish Project Continued

The Lavish Project - A Creative Collective

Check out my latest article on Bellydance in Toronto!

Growing in a Lavish Way!

So as I recently reported, I took part in The Lavish Project Gala Show. While I am not sure it was one of my stronger performances (I don't think I was fully focused before I went on stage) I still feel I did pretty well - video to come!!

As well as performing, I took a full Saturday of workshops - the morning with Samantha Emmanuel and the afternoon with Heather Stants. I was beyond nervous as I am still a baby tribal belly, but I was determined to give it a shot!

The workshops were multi-level, so fortunately I was able to keep up with most of what was going on. Aside from a few moves that were totally new to me, I think I handled myself rather well!

The morning with Sam focused on intention and how to communicate a feeling during a performance. We warmed up with a series of theatre exercises; moving around the room while expressing various feelings. They ranged from being at the beach to being late for an appointment to being a totally bratty three-year-old - so much fun! Then after learning a series of combinations, we broke into smaller groups to create our own mini choreographies. It was fun to work with dancers I don't normally get to work with, including finally meeting a few ladies I only have known from Facebook (Sahra again, it was a pleasure to finally meet you and see your awesome flutters, and Briar, your Phantom of the Opera solo was brilliant!).

Then each group was given an intention and had to express that through the same short combos we had created. I was thrilled our group got the three-year-old - we slammed fists into the floor and stomped thorough our combination in full pout mode - I can't tell you how much fun that was! The other groups had the beach holiday and being late - amazing to see how different a dance is when you put a strong intention in place!

What was particularly exciting for me was Sam's discussion with us of finding a word, intention or emotion to focus on when we do a performance. This is something new I am exploring and was thrilled to hear that this was a technique she used too!

Heather Stants is yoga-based, so we spent the first hour of the afternoon working through a series of poses. Many I already knew, but I am so not a yoga person so it was indeed a challenge holding and even just getting into positions Heather seemed to flow into so naturally. The combinations and steps she worked on with us were simple enough for me to follow and she was stressing the importance of how we move, not just moving. That may seem a odd comment but there really is a distinct difference between going through the motions and feeling them flow through your body.

She directed us on working with shapes and how we can dance a shape - again, may sound a bit different but it was a real eye-opener! She encouraged us to explore, be ourselves and really get into feeling what different shapes felt like in our bodies. It was a great compliment to much of what Audra talked to us about during the Basic Black Intensive and why certain shapes appeal to us. It's so awesome to learn how all these different forms and ideas come together to make a dance!

The show in the evening was fantastic! Several of the workshop participants did pieces and the range of styles and music was just brilliant! No two performances were even remotely similar so it was an amazing display of fusion and tribal styles from dancers across North America, both troupes and soloists.

The second act with Audra, Sam and the Heathers was a delight to watch. Seeing four very talented and unique ladies come together to create one masterpiece was so exciting to see. They moved seamlessly and I actually think I saw Audra smile on stage (something she admits to not doing all that often)! The solos, duets and group segments flowed like water across the floor and was completely engaging. I admit I was disappointed when they were done!

I absolutely loved the experience and really hope The Dark Side hosts something like it again in the future. Having the chance to work with such internationally renowned stars up close and personal was so inspiring.

Look for an article on the Bellydance in Toronto website in the future. I am working with Heather Labonte on an article about where the idea for The Lavish Project came from and the group's experiences during their series of workshops and rehearsals!

"Yes, we're all individuals!" (I'm not)

Well, it's almost here! I have been anticipating this coming Saturday's Lavish Project Gala Show at The Dark Side for a good few months - amazing how fast time flies!

While I had a minor "OMG the show is in a week and I totally suck what the hell was I thinking?!" meltdown last Sunday, I am feeling considerably better as the week and my practicing progresses. It's actually not that unusual for me to have a pre-show panic like this, but that doesn't mean I wasn't totally ready to throw in the veil and give up.

Alas, I am a Scorpio. We are stubborn chicks and tend to not give up.

Anyway, I mentioned in my last post that Audra was looking for everyone to dance in their own style rather than expecting everyone would be pure "Tribal." I've actually been thinking about that a lot lately and have had a few revelations.

Think of any truly noteworthy bellydancer and you can point to something about them that is unique. I'm not referring to how they handle technique, though that is certainly a part of it, but there is often an inner light, an energy, that is all their own, not so much what they do as how they do it. When I took a pro dancer course with Mayada a couple of years ago, she wanted us all to find something that was our "thing;" something we apply to every performance that we would become known for (I wanted to be the chick with the wicked shimmy!). Yet as I continue on my own journey of discovery I think there is even more to it than that. I don't actually think you can even really put a label on it, but it is distinct.

For example, I commented on a fellow bellydancer's video, saying that it was wonderful and I could clearly see the influence of a specific instructor I knew she worked with a great deal. She wrote me back and asked me to clarify, as she was working to develop her own style, not be a copy of someone else. I was worried I had insulted her where I was merely in my naivety saying she reminded me of someone I admired, but then the light bulb went off and I experienced the "a-ha!" of what she meant.

I love Violet Scrap, but what if every other Tribal dancer out there danced exactly like her, using music that is typical of her choices and wearing costumes that looked the same? Rachel Brice is also a goddess, but part of what makes her so is she is Rachel Brice. I love to watch the Serpentina North Ensemble and Shades of Araby perform, but that's because - while they are both ATS troupes - they are unique in their own ways and that's exciting.

How boring would bellydance shows be if every dancer looked like a carbon copy of the dancer before them? Every troupe the same patterns, costumes, music?

This is, I think, the difference between studying with someone to gain technical experience and studying with someone to be exactly like them (yes, Audra, I finally think I understand what you've been trying to hammer into my noggin all year!). I mean, I know we've all seen a performer do something exceptionally cool and said "OMG I so want to learn how to do that!", but I don't think we really mean that we want to BE that person (okay, true, there are days when I really wish I was Scarlett Johansson but you know what I mean...). I think we mean we want to learn some of their moves to incorporate (because that's ultimately the reason to then go study with that person) into our own personal bag of tricks.

I know when I work on a choreography that I picked up a particular hip combo from Mayada, a fun twist move from Zahira or an arm path from Audra, but that's where it becomes my style. I'm selecting the bits of technique I really like and can do well and mixing them into my own dance cocktail. I can't label it, I don't know what to call and I don't know that it really needs a name. It's just, well, Nashita's Dance.

Hope to see you Saturday night at The Dark Side! Doors open at 7:30pm and the show is at 8pm. The line up is awesome and it promises to be a magical event!

Choreography Chronicles

At the end of May, I have the honour of being one of the performers at The Dark Side Studio's Lavish Project with Samantha Emanuel and Heather Stants. I'm excited and very, very nervous!

I've decided for this performance that I will be taking the very first song I ever did a solo to and revamping it (I will also be giving it a first run May 11th at Dancenette!). The song is called Dringo Bell by the Medieval Babes. They are a classical choral ensemble from England and sing in Middle English. All the instruments are traditional as well and the music is haunting and beautiful.

I had been looking for an opportunity to revisit the original choreography that I first did nine years ago, because I love the song and wanted to see what more I could do with it, now that I have several more years of dance behind me and technique from a variety of instructors to play with. This show seemed like the perfect opportunity.

At first I had a panic attack when I realized I was performing at a Dark Side show and my grasp of Tribal Fusion technique is still tentative as I slowly move up from Basic Black to Lavender and Turquoise. Oh sure, I'm starting to understand it better and am remembering what muscles I should be using as I execute this new technique, but still, I've barely gotten my feet wet and became worried I would be the obvious amateur in the show.

Fortunately, Audra is not looking for everyone to be dancing the same style or using the same base technique - phew! She stressed that the idea was to have dancers all performing in their own style and in their own voice. That certainly took a massive amount of stress off as I began to work out how my choreography would flow.

I am, for this go around, mixing some classical Egyptian technique with some of the new modern bellydance technique I have been learning from Audra. Heck, there may even be a couple of ballet moves where the movement fits!

Something new I learned from the Creating Choreography workshop I took with Audra last summer is finding my intention. For me, this means finding the story in the music that I am trying to tell and that I want the audience to be able to experience. So, instead of simply trying to figure out what steps simply fit the phrases of music, I am focusing on what movements best express the mood I am trying to set so my story or emotional intent is clear.

I have so far only done one choreography using this new focus technique and the response from other dancers was amazing! I hadn't realized how different going up on stage and thinking "surrender" as my intention rather than "please god, don't let me forget my dance!" It even felt different up on stage with that focus, and while I did have a couple of missteps (yes, pun intended!) the final product was very different than what I had been doing in the past:

So, now as I go through and make my choreography notes, I'm not just noting timing, steps, pacing, directions and arm paths, I am also including what I want to be saying during each phrase of the music.

I have right now what I will call a rough draft of the dance. I am stuck on a couple of technical things and not totally happy with how a couple of phrases are joining together, but that's all a part of the creative process.

I've also decided to let go of the whole concept of "getting it right." What I mean by that is that while I am indeed working out set steps and patterns to fit the story and the mood, I am also allowing myself some freedom and being looser about the actual steps themselves. I am hoping that by giving myself permission to let go a bit, I can get over the bump of coming off stage and agonizing about a missed hip drop. My energy will instead be going into "did I get the story out?"

In no way does this mean I will not be focusing on nailing my technique and drilling, drilling, drilling, but I am curious to see how much different my attitude towards my actual performance changes based on just letting go and dancing.

Stay tuned for further updates and, of course, video of the final product once it has been performed!!

Get to Know Me!

Honoured to be included on the Bellydance in Toronto website feature Get to Know a Bellydancer!

http://www.bellydanceintoronto.com/2014/04/09/get-to-know-a-bellydancer-nashita/

Performance Notes

This weekend, I am thrilled to be performing at my very First This Ain't Egypt student showcase at The Darkside Studio. It won't be my first time dancing at The Dark Side but it will be my first time doing a class choreography with my Basic Black class.

It's a very cool experience for me because while I have performed a lot, there are ladies in my class who have never done a show before and I am finding their nervous excitement to be very energizing. It's going to be a really neat experience dancing with people who are new to shows and don't yet know the power and wonderful, uplifting feeling that you get after a job well done, taking that very first step to becoming a bellydancer and knowing you have a great group of women standing with you, sharing the moment when the lights dim, your first pose is struck and the music starts. 

What has also been a very interesting experience during this process is the information and shared wisdom your teacher brings to the table in helping a group get ready for a performance, and rather than simply tune it all out as things I presume to already know about, I've taken this opportunity to really step back into my beginner dancer brain and remember why everything Audra is sharing with the class is so vitally important. Not just for this one single show, but for every performance - group or solo, amateur or pro - going forward during a dancer's career.

Some of this is very basic and probably most of you know this information like the back of your own hand, but like being an advanced dancer and going back to take a beginner level class to go back over some basic technique every so often because it helps keep your form in check, going over basic performance etiquitte and process is also good to be reminded of once in a while. 

The best notes I've taken again and wanted to share may seem obvious but really, how often do we forget to look at the audience, stay centred and breathe?

So, here are my take-aways that will help me not only this Saturday night but for many other nights and days to come:

1. The audience is on your side. They are not there to pick you apart, wish you ill or hope you fall on your butt. Especially for something like a student show where everyone is there to see another student and possibly for the first time. They are eager to see you do well. 

2. Your classmates are on your side. While maybe relying on other dancers in your group to know and remember the choreography for you is kinda cheating, there is nothing wrong with looking beside you to give a fellow dancer a smile and a reminder they aren't up there alone, that their success is your success.

3. Spacing, spacing, spacing! Having danced with troupes certainly helps remind me to watch the others around me to know if I am out of sync or out of line, but it never hurts to be reminded that as a student class or a professional troupe, you are dancing together and the choreography looks better when everyone remembers they aren't alone.

4. Don't freak out as soon as you get off stage if you think you made a mistake. The audience can feel that kind of negative energy and so can other dancers waiting to go on next. I am as guilty of this as any other performer and have lost count of the times I've quite literally stormed off a stage, angry at myself for screwing up or freaked that my error caused anxiety for another dancer on stage with me. Let it go. 

5. For the love of all things shinny, SMILE!!!!!!! If you look like you're having a good time, the audience feels you are enjoying yourself and it gives them permission to have a good time too! I have danced with others who are technically amazing dancers, but then had negative feedback from the audience about them because they either look at the ground the entire time or employ a look of abject terror onstage. Relax! We do this for fun, remember???

6. Enjoy and revel in the process of getting ready. I love getting "into" bellydancer mode! I use the time I take to do my make-up and hair to really breathe, concentrate on my work and feel how each stroke of the liquid liner, touch of the blush brush and handfuls of glitter gets me into performance mode. I make sure I leave myself lots of prep time so I can enjoy getting all dolled up!

7. Everyone has their own way of getting ready backstage. Some people get super hyper and bouncy, others prefer to lock themselves into their own head space by listening to their music, meditating or simply taking a few minutes to breathe and ground themselves. Respect everyone's space and prep.

8. Be available to help backstage if you can. Some people have quick costume changes and knowing you have an extra pair (or three!) of hands to fasten clips and double check costumes are secure is invaluable!

9. Cheer your fellows on! Be proud of everyone and share your happiness!

10. If a piece of your costume falls off, kick it away and keep dancing. No one really cares or notices if a bracelet falls off your your hair band, so the less you make of it the less likely anyone will even notice it happened. We've all had wardrobe malfunctions and none of them are ever serious enough to ruin a performance.

Above all remember to relax and have a good time. Performing is fun and hearing an audience cheer, applaud and zagreet away is the best feeling in the world!!!

Growing, Changing, Moving On...

From my folkloric days with Banat el Sharq

One of the best things about bellydance is how it continues to evolve and change. While there are a range of traditional styles to explore - including all the different types of folk - modern fusion, tribal and Gothic bellydance have taken the art in new directions.

When I started out, all I really knew was cabaret - which I have been doing for years - and tribal fusion a la Rachel Brice. I had no real understanding of what was in between, and since I was intimidated by Rachel's gooey, sinuous grace, I became a cabaret dancer.

Several years ago I went on a quest. Feeling the mad urge to take my dance to another level, I left my first teacher and began to explore. At that time I was trying classes at a number of studios and gave tribal fusion a shot. It didn't come easily or naturally to me which I found frustrating, so I stuck with cabaret.

Then I fell in love with folk. That led me to become a member of Banat el Sharq for four years, immersing myself in Saidi, Ghawazi, Beladi and Nubian styles. I loved the costumes, the bouncy, flirty steps and the amazing ladies who were part of my troupe.

Last year was one of major change. After doing Mayada's Pro Bellydancer Course, I found I wanted to work on some specific areas of my technique and that took me travelling again to studying with a few new teachers at new studios.

Yet one other thing I noticed was that the kind of music I wanted to dance to was less than traditional Arabic and the dancers I wanted to watch were less than traditional cabaret dancers. I was finding that the technique I had was in need of some refinement and development to go with the music I wanted to create to, and so I opted to go back to fusion at The Dark Side Studio. No, the moves did not suddenly coming any easier, but I did find I was more interested this time around and really willing to focus and do the work needed to bring the movements into my body.

Very much like the habits I had to break going from ballet to bellydance, so too did I have habits to break going from folk and cabaret to fusion. New muscles, new ways of thinking of how I made my body move and new ideas came flooding in. In many ways I am starting over again but at the same time I'm simply adding new stock to my repertoire of movements for creating new dances.

It's hard to start again as a beginner, and I admit that there is some frustration when I can't nail a move right away. "I've been doing this for over 10 years," I whine to myself, "I should be able to do this without a problem!" Yet no matter how many years one has danced, when going to a new style you do become in many ways a beginner again.

I explained it to my mother by saying it would be like having been with The National Ballet of Canada for many years, and suddenly moving to the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater and expecting to just jump right in.

I'm starting an exploration of a new side of me and it is scary and exciting at the same time. There will always be a place in my world for cabaret and I will continue to do more traditional bellydance when the venue and the spirit moves me there, and want to continue improving my comfort with props such as veil, fan veil cane and zylls, but I am also eager for this new journey into another side of my bellydance self. She is a little darker, a little more expressive, and looking for different stories to tell. It should be an interesting time!

Guest Article on Bellydance in Toronto

As a follow-up to my recent Basic Black Intensive course at The Dark Side Studio, I wrote an article for the Bellydance in Toronto website - enjoy!

http://www.bellydanceintoronto.com/

Music, Music, Music!

IBCC Emerging Artists Stage Solo, 2012

Since I believe it's never a bad time to think about what to dance to next, I have been spending some energy going over my music collection to figure out what pieces I want to perform to at some upcoming spring and summer events.

I've usually got some ideas in my mind at any given time of pieces I'd love to dance to - one of the hazards of being a bellydancer, actually. I never can just listen to a song, I have to think "hmmm...is this something I could work with?" or "OMG this would be GREAT with cane!" You get the general idea. Any song by any artist is fair game as far as I'm concerned.

I do try to tailor what I dance to to the event at hand. For example, I tend towards more upbeat music for Kensington Pedestrian Sundays since it's a summer, outdoor festival,  while I am inclined to do something darker for a performance at a Dark Salon at The Dark Side or more experimental if it's a student show like Dragonfly Rising at Dragonfly Bellydance.

I firmly believe you can bellydance to anything. With the right attitude and the right costume, any song is a bellydance song. I've danced to everything from George Abdoo and Djinn to Shani and Cleopatra, Medieval Babes and The Lost Fingers to The Doors and The Who and everything in between:

 

Boris the Spider at the Dragonfly Fantasy Hafla, September, 2013

To make sure I always have something in my back pocket in case a surprise opportunity comes up, I keep a list of songs I'd like to dance to on my Crackberry and add to it anytime a new idea pops into my head. Then, about once a week, I take a good half hour to an hour to just play songs from that list and improv to see what comes out. Sometimes after playing with a piece for a while I realize it just isn't working for me, so I move on to something else. Other times something really "clicks" and I keep it on the back burner and wait for the right time to pull it out.

I also have pieces I've done in the past that, as I have improved and grown my technique, have decided to revisit and try again either from another angle or to see what else might come out now that I've had a few more years or a few new workshops or classes with a different teacher under my belt. Usually it's because I really loved the song in the first place and really wanted to dance to it right then, then go back to it later because I become convinced I could do more with it.

When I start to seriously think about getting into choreography mode, I put the piece (or pieces as the case may be) I am currently working on on repeat on my Crackberry and listen to it/them constantly until I feel like I know every beat, riff, phrase and subtle nuance. This is when I get the most interesting reactions from normal people because I start dancing along while I'm out walking, waiting for the streetcar or on the subway platform. I'm sure most of you can relate to the looks other people offer up when they can't hear what you're grooving to!

I'm always open and looking for new and exciting music to work with, so if anyone has bands or songs or anything to share, feel free to pass it along! I love hearing what other people are into and what makes their world work!

A Wonderful Weekend of Wicked Workshops!

The Paulette Rees-Denis workshop at The Dark Side Studio

I am excited about my upcoming weekend of bellydance goodness!

Workshops are a great way to not only learn new skills, but refine technique, focus on specific technical issues like arms and hands, and even get to know different instructors and teachers. I personally love the fact that Toronto studios are very active with a range of fantastic workshop topics geared to all levels and styles of bellydance.

This weekend in particular will be two workshops focused on different props. Personally I love props. Not all dancers do, but I adore the extra element a well-placed prop can add to a performance. It's also a great way to showcase your skills, since adding any kind of prop to a dance routine shows a level of expertise in being able to not only keep your feet and hips moving, but keep fabric afloat, canes spinning, swords balanced and zills singing.

Not an easy task, but something that certainly can be mastered with lots and lots (and lots!) of practice.

Prop workshops are a great way to find out what ones you might like to work with further. I have also found most teachers are receptive to requests for specific props or technique you might be interested in learning more about or working on intensely, so never be afraid to ask! Also be sure to check out studio websites, as well as Bellydance In Toronto and the Ontario MEDance Calendar.

Tomorrow - Saturday, February 15th, the lovely Ruyah is teaching a fan veils workshop at Dragonfly Studios. Fan veils are relatively new to the bellydance scene being Oriental in origin rather than Middle Eastern. Nevertheless, they are enchanting to watch and are beautiful when handled by an expert:

Sunday, February 16th is the second installment in Roula Said's zill workshop series at Om Laila.

Roula and zills are synonymous. As a musician she plays them with a grace, skill and style that make grown dancers weep. They are literally an extension of her body. This winter she's offering a series of three different workshops that introduce dancers to how to integrate zills into different styles of music. January's workshop featured a pop choreography and this weekend is Baladi. So far as I know there is still room in the March 2nd drum solo choreography workshop, so if you want to study with the master, be sure to get in touch:

Happy Heart Day everyone!!!!

That's like asking permission to breathe!

This is something I know I've talked about in the past but for some reason it keeps coming up in conversations.

I have no idea why.

It's a question that gets thrown my way every so often, and no matter how many times I have fielded said question, it still manages to surprise me.

Actually, it's two questions, but they both relate to me being a bellydancer and the acceptance of various members of my family supporting this rather than disowning me or having me stoned to death.

Apparently, I was to seek permission prior to deciding to take up my chosen art form.

The question is basically the same in both instances, but the parties from whom I am to seek blessings for my choice are twofold.

The question - or really the statement - is:

"Your husband let's you bellydance?!"
"It's okay with your family that you're a bellydancer?!"

Let's start with the spouse issue.

Welcome to the 21st Century. In this day and age women are no longer chattel. I am not a posession of my husband any more than he is owned by me. I can vote, go out without an escort, own property (well, co-own as it were) and even yes, be a bellydancer without getting anyone's stamp of approval.

Let's be very clear here, people; my husband does not let me do a damned thing.

That is not to indicate that we don't discuss what I do with my time or that I don't check in with him before booking new classes, workshops or shows in case there is any conflict with our mutual plans or schedules. That's not asking his permission; that is simply being courteous to the man I have chosen to share my life with by indicating that his own separate plans, schedule and yes, opinions, figure prominently into my life. We are married. We share a home, two fur babies and a slew of joint expenses so indeed his thoughts are indeed a serious consideration in everything I do - not just dance.

Heck, he frequently forgets to tell people that I do, in fact, have a regular day job (well okay not right at this exact moment but in general I am employed) and just tells people that I bellydance. That includes his family, friends, colleagues and random cab drivers - kid you not.

We have a mutual respect for each other as well as a deep, passionate love. But again, please, let me stress this one more time:

My husband does not let me do things.

The second question involves my family.

My family is Jewish. Apparently, this necessitates a problematic concern when it comes to being what is also commonly known as a Middle Eastern Dance Artist.

It's that darned "Middle Eastern" thing that really seems to get people's jaws dropping.

I have a bit of news for those of you not up on your current world geography:

Israel (though I am personally not Israeli) is in the Middle East.

Yeah, I know. Kinda caught you off guard there, didn't I?

My presumption is that since bellydance is more commonly associated with Arabic cultures and music is that this should, therefore, cause immeasurable grief for my family.

Alas, it does not.

My mom thinks it's pretty darn cool that I bellydance. She tells all her clients and friends that her daughter is a bellydancer and is thrilled that I have embraced the love of dance she herself possesses. She hoped when she first started me on the path to dance as a child that I would make it a part of my life. While she herself was never a bellydancer, she is, nonetheless, proud that it's what I do.

My dad simply can't understand why I'd want to dance to Middle Eastern music. That's because every time he hears it, all he can think about is being in shul (synagogue or temple for those not familiar with the term) because it reminds him of the Canter that sings the prayers during service and he always hated going every Saturday for service.

So please. Let's finally put this topic to rest. I dance because I choose to dance. I bellydance because that is my chosen form of dance and I am proud to be a bellydancer. This is who I am, what I am and where I fit into the world. If you don't like it, that's your funeral, not mine.

Oooooohhhhh...I Got The Bellydancing Blues!

Every bellydancer I know has experienced a bout or six of the Blues. They crop up at the most unexpected and inconvenient times and can last from a few hours to a few weeks. It's that horrible feeling that maybe you really aren't cut out to be doing this, that it's a waste of time. You feel like you aren't getting anywhere and never will. Everyone is better than you and no one thinks you're a good dancer anyway, so why not just give up?

I've had bouts hit me after shows I felt didn't go well and even after classes where I was sure all I did was flail about like an octopus out of water (and convinced that I looked about as graceful). I remember feeling the futility of my efforts when I was first learning to undulate, first held a veil and the first time I tried to balance a cane on my head. Watching my instructor and classmates gracefully go through the movements and swearing that I would never, ever be able to master <insert particularly testy technique issue here>.

The Blues are not limited to any particular level of bellydancer - they are an equal opportunity state of blah. Not only have most of us gone through a few phases of doubt and discouragement over our careers, but we've all had friends in the community go through it too. I've posted many an inspirational comment on Facebook for friends ready to throw in the hip scarf, offered hugs to dancers before, during and after classes or shows and sent more than one email reminding a fellow belly how amazing they truly are. Even dancer friends who are professionals and have been for years occassionally hit a bump in the road, as it were, and need to be reminded of their awesomeness.

A bad show or audition will usually do it for me. It doesn't matter that logically I know that not every performance will leave me with that I totally nailed it, and even if I did a good job there are days when I'm still sure I sucked. I've been in classes on days when my arms and legs are just not speaking and while I swear everyone around me looks like they are floating effortlessly across the studio I'm the awkward nerd in the back with two left feet and gangly elbows.

So how do I deal with the Blues and what are my two cents for others on the subject?

First off, I personally feel there is nothing wrong with a good wallow now and again. Taking a few hours or even a day or two to just sulk on the sofa with a tub of double mint chip ice cream and a really weepy chick flick is, I think, a healthy part of healing no matter what has got you down. Go ahead and feel sorry for yourself, cry a bit, whine to your fur baby, your partner or your best friend that the world of bellydance is a fantastical place of whimsy and grace that you will never fit into. It's okay. It's temporary. You will dance again!

The trick is not to let it last too long and get your body back in motion. My favourite way to kick myself back into the swing of things is to sign up to do a show. I find making myself commit to a performance really gives me the push I need to get up and get dancing again. Getting into the rhythm of selecting music, listening to it over and over, running combinations and movements and getting excited about what costume to wear and putting on a good dose of glitter always brings happiness to my world.

Even if I feel unmotivated and untalented, I go to class. Just being around other bellydancers gives me a lift, and there is nothing more healing than a good laugh combined with a good sweat!

Workshops are awesome too. Case and point: I had a 3/4 shimmy that sucked rotten cod. I had learned  from someone who (unbeknownst to me) couldn't actually 3/4 shimmy herself, so when I was in one of my first classes with Roula Said and realized my technique was way off base, I found a workshop with Zahira and 3/4ed my ass off for two hours. It not only fixed my technique but got me feeling great about the fact that I could do something when I put my hips to it.

And the old saying of "dance like no one is watching" is still a very valuable thing to remember. Feeling bummed? Put on some music, close your eyes and just move. Absorb the music into your mind and let your body go with it. Remember, we are not dancers because we want to be; we are dancers because we need to be.

Mirror, Mirror

Anytime I get a video or YouTube clip of a performance I have done I always need to take a deep breath before I hit play. In part this is because I really do hate to watch myself on video, but the other is the issue of not knowing what I'm going to see. The thing is, while I do have a pretty decent personal space to practise in, I don't have a great spot to record my rehearsals to watch myself before I perform.

Hence the anxiety.

There is then that sigh of relief "oh thank the gods it looked okay!" as well as the occasional "what the f*ck was that?!" as I sit gritting my teeth as mini me dances across my laptop.

See, while I don't thrill to watching me on video, I have come to appreciate what I can learn from watching myself. I have gone from simply viewing video as a sublime form of self-torture to the learning tool it actually is. I've even used it get feedback different dance teachers so they can get a feel for what I am having problems with or what they see that I may not.

I am proud of myself that I can now look at video with a critical eye rather than a pained expression, but that, alas, does not remedy my situation of how to record my practise.

So I've done what I think is the next best thing - I got a full length mirror for my rehearsal space so I can see what I'm doing while I'm working on improv, drills and choreography.

While - to date - I have been pretty lucky that generally what feels good when I'm working on a piece translates into good performance, there are times when I want to try something new, like the piece I did in December at the last Dark Salon at The Dark Side Studio. I was very nervous because I was going outside my regular comfort zone of upbeat, cheeky and playful into the somewhat darker and moodier side of my persona:

Fortunately I was pretty happy how it turned out and the feedback I received when I saw the clip, but it was that performance that made me realize I could possibly cut down on performance anxiety and feel more free to try new stuff if I could see it before I performed it. Example, I can see where I need to work isolations, finesse arm and hand positions or improve on how I use the space I am working in.

Thus the mirror now standing in my den.

I am finding it so far a great help, particularly as I drill new technique and try new music. I am planning on going moody again for my upcoming Dancenette performance in May, but that doesn't mean I'm giving up my sassy side!

My lovely new mirror!

Confessions of a Former Ballerina

I have been dancing since my mother first put me into ballet at the age of three. She was determined that I would have good posture and, since she herself was a dancer, hoped that I would be as smitten with the art as she was.

On all fronts, it worked.

Example: a few years ago at a Christmas party a woman who was a kinesiologist literally crossed the room to tell me she thought I had fantastic posture. When I told her I was a dancer, she simply nodded and said "of course!"

Since I had always danced, when I was approached by a friend to try a bellydance class I figured it would be fairly easy to grasp and was eager to try. After all, I'd survived the rigours of pointe shoes, how bad or hard could this be??

Famous last words, as they say...

The first thing I was floored by was a positive - my hips were now an asset!! I had been horribly disappointed when at the ripe old age of 15 it was made clear to me I'd never make it in the professional dance world because I was too short and it was clear I was already developing hips. Short and curvy does not a ballerina nor a Broadway star make. While I stuck it out taking classes and performing simply because I loved what I was doing, there was always a dark cloud of futility hanging over my head.

Back to my first couple of years of bellydance...

In ballet, nothing, and I mean nothing, in the torso moves. everything is executed with a straight back, butt slightly tucked in and shoulders back and down. While some of that translates well and has helped me in bellydance, the whole "no movement in the torso" thing has been a nightmare. While things like arabesques and chaine turns came quickly because the moves were so similar to ballet, tap and jazz moves, undulations and chest circles were to become the bane of my existence. My chest didn't want to move. My abs were loathe to let go. It was a nasty struggle and a lot of mental strain to just let my body go and feel the new movements. It was a long time before I could perform any of them and not look like I was torturing myself!

The other nasty was my feet. For me, neutral position is roughly ballet first position with the heels together, toes pointed out:

Heck, even when I'm just casually standing my feet find themselves quite naturally falling into third position:

In bellydance, neutral has both feel together, and for me this is as awkward as trying to dance whilst doing a hand stand. What it unfortunately meant though, was that my hip movements - such as straight drops and 3/4 walks - went side to side rather than up to down. I have had to constantly make a very conscious effort to keep my feel in this new neutral and to this day need to remind myself to modify my feet to keep my movements clear.

Over the years I have become more adept at letting my body do what bellydancing asks of me. I remember to keep my abs tight to control isolations, let my shoulders relax to execute chest moves, keep my knees always slightly bent to make snakes and mayas smooth and to remember to always look up and keep my eyes open to better communicate with my audience. But still, while it gets easier (meaning more natural), it never becomes easy, if you know what I mean. Still, the years I was a little ballerina helped shape the dancer I am today and for that I will always look upon them with happiness and fond remembrance.

My very first ballet recital at four-years old

Dance and Life Goals for 2014

I think it's important as a dance artist - and in life in general - to always set new goals. It helps give me something specific to work towards and keeps me from getting into the feeling that's it's all just "routine." Every year I try to set at least three goals for myself for dance and three for the other side of my life. Some years are easier than others either because I've seen something that makes my brain scream "I wanna learn how to do that!!!!" like when I first saw double cane being performed or just circumstances dictating such as right now being out of work and needing to find a new job.

I also like to write my goals down. The act of putting pen to paper (or in this case fingers to keyboard) solidifies the goals and sets intention to actually complete them. I also like to share my goals with people so that I have that added little pressure of knowing folks are going to be checking in to see if I've achieved what I've set out to do and in some cases keep up a bit of social pressure to make sure I do the work needed to achieve what I've set out to do!

So here we go - dance goals first - this year I will:

1. Perform a piece with zills and perform a piece with fan veils. I have always loved zills and am now loving fan veils so it's about time to bite the bullet as it were and stop being petrified of new props! My first step will be to take some workshops that focus on these two props and make sure I practice the technique. Ironically I have songs already picked out that I want to use (does anyone else do that? Listening randomly to music and something just screams out "I MUST DANCE TO THIS AND IT MUST BE WITH <insert prop here>!!"). Anyone else looking out for upcoming prop workshops, Roula Said has two more zill workshops in her winter series February 2 and March 2, and the lovely Ruyah is doing a fan veil workshop at Dragonfly on February 15.

2. Improvise more. I tend to get paranoid when I am performing - particularly when it's a performance in front of other dancers - and choreograph the hell out of a piece of music, kicking myself in the butt when I miss part of the choreography. I also tend to get so focused on what steps I'm supposed to be doing I miss out on actually just dancing and enjoying myself. I dance and I perform because I love the whole experience, time to kick it up a notch!

3. Maintain this blog. That may seem outside of an actual dance goal but in my other life I am a writer and I think it's time the two worlds meet. I did write a couple of articles for Mid Bits when it was around, but I think writing this blog that is focused on dance will keep me focused and help me reach my other goals. My aim is a minimum one post a week.

Other life goals for 2014:

1. I will find a new job that is perfectly suited to my skills with great people and a healthy environment.

2. I will continue to lose the weight I put on this summer after my knee surgery by continuing to work out hard and regularly as well as keeping up dance classes and practicing.

3. I will get out and socialize more. Personal issues have made me something of a hermit the past couple of years.

I think that covers it! Anyone who has goals for 2014 - dance or otherwise - feel free to comment and share!

It's About Time!

So I have been meaning to get a blog going again for some time now, but being the expert procrastinator that I am, it can take me a while to get my hips in gear.

The main reason I was at a loss as to where to begin is I wasn't sure that:
a) I have anything particularly interesting to say
b) Anyone would really be interested anyway
c) I would have the drive to - once started - keep the blog going
d) All of the above

That said, here I go. What in the world will I find to write about? Well, seeing as I am a belly dancer and this is going to primarily be about my experiences, I will most likely be writing about dance, dancers, classes, workshops and performances. If you're lucky, I will also share photos, videos and notes on my quest for new music to dance to and the joys (insert eye roll here) of creating choreography and working on my improv skills.

So for now, here it is. In all it's glory. Waiting for divine inspiration and brilliance.

For 2014 - aside from my quest for a new job so I can continue to pay for my creative addiction (most belly dancers will admit that it's not about wanting to dance, it's about having to dance) - I am hoping to do more solo work, improve my base technique, learn some new and funky technique from the plethora of great instructors out there, and get nice and comfy with my props, particularly zills, veil and fan veils.

So without further ado, here I am. Let's see where this journey leads me...